“Find your people.”

I wrote those words in Being Gay and Living by Your Values. I want to spend more time with them, because there is a practical question inside that advice.

How do you make friends in your 40s, especially when your life has changed and your weeks are already full?

For me, some of the voices that have encouraged me have come through books and audiobooks. I have found mentors th...

“That’s gay.”

I hear it from men and women. Something is described as weak, inferior or less worthwhile, and “gay” becomes the word used to dismiss it.

Then they realise I’m standing next to them.

They start explaining. "I just meant... you know... " They try to clarify, hear themselves, and stumble over the next sentence.

I step in and save the day... “It’s okay. I get where you come from,” I...

The world will have no issue telling you who to be. It's important to figure out who you are before you go look for yourself. Your values should guide your every move going forward.

Some men I have worked with put enormous energy into preparing for a conversation that would change their lives. For one man, it was telling his partner he wanted to separate. For another, it was telling his family he...

If I asked you, “Who are you?”, what would you tell me?

“I’m a father.”

“I’m a lawyer.”

“I’m an entrepreneur.”

“I’m a husband.”

Each answer describes a relationship, a responsibility, a profession or something you have spent years building.

I’d also want to know about the man living those roles. What matters to you? What interests you? What do you enjoy? How do you make sense of your own lif...

I have spoken to men who appear incredibly successful from the outside and have told me:

“If I continue like this... honestly... I will break.”

Others have described feeling able to keep going for a few more years, while already fearing what will happen when they collapse.

These are conversations that stay with me. A man is looking ahead at his own life and wondering how long he can survive the...

You’re about to make a decision, and before you’ve worked out what you want, you’re already imagining everyone else’s response.

What will your partner think? Will your parents understand? Will your friends question it? Will someone decide you’ve become selfish, difficult or less ambitious?

You might recognise this around a career change, a relationship, how you spend your time or something perso...

You know the promise you made to yourself.

You were going to have the conversation, finish the project, make time for your health or finally act on something that mattered.

Then another week passed.

Now, when you think about trying again, you can hear your own doubt: Will I actually follow through this time?

If that feels familiar, I’d begin with the relationship you have with your own word. W...

There may be a part of your life you find difficult to talk about.

Perhaps it’s how you feel about your body. Perhaps your career looks nothing like you thought it would by now. You might be struggling with your sexuality, finding it difficult to show emotion, or wondering what the end of a relationship says about you.

You can be capable, caring and responsible and still find yourself thinking: ...

You’ve worked hard to get here. You’ve built a career, taken responsibility and achieved things that once felt a long way off.

You can see the progress. Other people can see it too.

Yet when things go quiet, a question keeps returning: Why doesn’t this feel the way I thought it would?

Perhaps you enjoy your work, but the rest of your life has become something you fit around it. Perhaps you’re p...

By Jacque Visagie · Personal Leadership & High Performance

You tell someone you can't do it.

Then you look at the message again. You add an apology. A longer explanation. An offer to make another plan.

A few minutes later, you've agreed to the very thing you were trying to say no to.

If that feels familiar, you may be wondering how to set boundaries without feeling guilty. Here is where I woul...